I've done some big decision during the past week and the effect is seen already, I can see some light in the end of the tube (might also be the sun which has finally emerged from the long hibernation).

I'm giving up this post I've been holding for the last year.  This will happen gradually so that first the main responsibility is moved to my boss and when a new one is found I will be supporting in the induction.  I've started looking for new challenges :-)  No hurry as I will be still employed by the same company and I still want to see the opportunitites inside.  We are doing well when thinking the current circumstances in the world economy.  And there really is very interesting areas and possibilities here.

The decision to give up was not easy.  Work is really important to me, even higher on my list of values than my own health.  But it had to be done and now it feels good.  Tough decision are necessary.  One can grow only when doing something.

Another thing is that I'm really trying to fall down the facade my ego has built on me.  It's about time to be just me, do what I really want to and not letting others' expectations guide me to do something I think is not right.  This is even harder than the work thing.  But everytime when I realise myself having this odd soundless conversation in my head I just need to stop and let go.  Writing the things first in my mind are probably the right ones coming up from real me not the ones that the ego has coated with this and that.  Meeting the 'me' is the most touching experience I have had.  Feeling the warmth, love and 'easy being' , just be as I am.  How many of you do understand?  I think very few people has really had this.  And I cannot really describe this here, could not write it in Finnish either.  It just have to be felt oneself.